'Think Before You Hit the Snooze Button'

hey yo, gotta let this go.

2010-05-05T21:29:00.000-07:00

It was real, it was right

But it burned too hot to survive

All that's left is All these ashes ..

maybe part of loving is learning to let go.
this is it
let go
breath.

ocean

2010-05-03T19:30:00.000-07:00

Where does the love go I don't know

When it's all said and done How could I be losing you forever?

After all the time we spent together? I had to know why,

I Had to lose you Now you'll just become Like everything I'll never find,

again At the bottom of the ocean

You don't have to love me for me, 
understand 
Just know I love the time that we both had 
And I don't ever wanna see you sad 
Be happy I don't wanna hold you if you don't wanna tell me you love me  
Just know I'm gonna have to walk away I'll be big enough for both of us to say
 Be happy

put it behind

2010-02-15T10:53:00.000-08:00

it seems like you just don't know,

the radio's on you tuning me out,

i'm trying to speak, you're turning me down.

i guess this it.

i should have started running a long time ago,

and i never thought i'd doubt you.. i see now

i can be better off without you.

i'm slowly getting closure, it's really gonna be over.

i'm finally getting better, and now i'm picking up the pieces.

i'll spend all these years putting my heart back together.

'cause these are the days i thought i'd never get through,

getting over you.

when you slammed the front door at my face,

a lot of others opened up.

heyhey

2010-02-12T23:18:00.000-08:00

give me something to believe in,

cause i don't believe in you anymore,

i wonder if it even makes a difference to try

so cold

2010-02-08T22:51:00.000-08:00

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons  
Finally content with a past I regret  I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness  
For once I'm at peace with myself  I've been burdened with blame, 
trapped in the past for too long  
I'm moving on 
I had it all, but I let it slip away  
Couldn't see I treated you wrong  
Now I wander around, feeling down and cold  
Still trying to believe that you're gone.. i hate this   
I know it takes f*cking time to heal when you're hurting so much  
Couldn't see that I was blind  To let you go  .. some days i still feel so cold.

sooner or later.

2010-02-07T20:52:00.000-08:00

it was awesome but we lost it

it's not possible for me not to care

cause God yanked the rug

and holding you're heart won't let you breathe.

it's over, leave it

pink

2010-01-31T00:59:00.000-08:00

i took your words and i believed

in everything you said to me

if someone said three years from now,

you'd be long gone

i'd stand up and punch them out

cause they're all wrong

i know better cause you said forever, and ever

who knew...

i wish i could still call you a friend,

i'd give anything

if someone said count your blessings now for they're

all gone, i guess i just didn't know how i was all wrong

they knew better

still, you said forever, and ever

who knew..

blame

2010-01-30T13:36:00.001-08:00

tell me with so many out there

i always turn to you

your goodbyes tear me down every time

and it's so easy that the blame is on me

“whenever you feel like giving up, think of the reasons why you held on”

pray for forgiveness

2010-01-21T16:36:00.000-08:00

I swear that everyday I feel like my mind is haunting me
I think of every little stupid mistake that has been made
This time I don't have the strength to gather myself
I'm falling to pieces....

So I pray for forgiveness
look for the answer
cause its hard for me to pretend
look to my mother
call to the captain
cant you see
this state that I'm in
pray for forgiveness
looking for justice
searching for answers
call to my mother
pray for forgiveness
breaking the silence..

"By now I should know

That in time things must change

So it shouldn't be so bad

So why do I feel so sad

 How can I adjust To the way that things are going

It's killing me slowly

I just want it to be how it used to be

Cause I wish that I could stay

But in time things must change

So it shouldn't be so bad,  So why do I feel so sad"

when gone is the glory

2010-01-17T21:42:00.000-08:00

i miss talking to you.

i really just want to be your friend, so why can't you let me?

i don't want you to not be a part of my life.

i'm not looking for you to take me back cause i

don't want that,

i seriously just want to talk to you normally

and be happy again.

don't you see, im sorry. im sorry, i know

im not the only one hurting..

when gone is the glory

when gone is the fame

when gone is the name

and you're left with yourself

i look in the mirror

to search your face

to remember who you are

who you ever were

when gone is the glory

when gone is the shine

is gone the whole

of your future and pride?

i look all around in search for a friend

that no longer stands

'till the bitter end

when gone is the glory

when gone is the sun

when gone is the game

then what have you won?

Heartache and pain

of what could have been

only you know the truth

of what is written

when gone is the praise

when gone is the fun

is gone the worth

of what you've become?

when i am alone

at the end of this story

how does it feel

when gone is the glory?

coldest winter

2010-01-17T11:00:00.000-08:00

What's up lonely,

seems like you're my only friend who wants to share my pain

tell me heartache

What's it gonna take for you to leave me alone today

Just when i think you're gone,

you're in the mirror staring right back

So what's up lonely?

i really wish you weren't by my side

Can't you find another shoulder,

cause i wanna leave this broken heart behind

we've been wasting too much time,

find someone else, seriously..

im really getting tired of you.

"if spring can take the snow away,

can it melt away all our mistakes? "

breakdown day

2010-01-13T20:07:00.000-08:00

When people all stare

I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk

Whenever I see you,

I'll swallow my pride

and bite my tongue

Pretend I'm okay with it all

Act like there's nothing wrong

If anyone asks,

I'll tell them we just grew apart

Yeah what do I care...

If they believe me or not

Your memory is breaking my heart

I'll pretend I'm okay with it all

Act like there's nothing wrong

I'm talking in circles

I'm lying, they know it

Why won't this just all go away

Is it over yet? Can I open my eyes?
 Is this as hard as it gets? Is this what it feels like to really cry?


F+++ DREAMING
i never wanna sleep again.

good day

2010-01-11T18:55:00.000-08:00

today was pretty good.

i actually felt happy, for the most part.

i think i can actually do this.

today is the first step of

officially letting go/ stop missing/ regretting/ getting over

you.

"looking at you makes it harder

but i know you'll find another

that doesn't always make you wanna cry

it started with a perfect kiss then

we can feel the poison set it,

"perfect" couldn't keep this love alive

you know that i love you so

i love you enough to let you go"

dear heart,

all the hurt will be gone soon, if you'll just

keep on beating strong. you will always be my friend

so keep on hanging in and we'll find love again.

Give it time.. help me through, heart we can do this together.

vacation

2010-01-10T22:08:00.000-08:00

"from the bottom of my broken heart

there's just a thing or two i'd like

you to know, you were my first love,

you were my true love i never knew

love 'til there was you"

before it felt like i was falling of a bridge

and you were dangling over the edge already dead

but i still hung on to your lifeless body even

though i knew if i held on i would fall and die too.

but now it just feels like you're on vacation

so you can have some time to yourself

and im just waiting for you to come back, while

i get a break for myself too.

but it still sucks though, cause what if you never

come back? what if you're enjoying your vacation

so much you don't need/want me anymore?

"no matter how far you are, no matter how long it

takes him, through distance and time i'll be waiting"

mirror

2010-01-07T17:33:00.000-08:00

There's a girl in my mirror

I wonder who she is

Sometimes I think I know her

Sometimes I really wish I did

 There's a story in her eyes Lullabies and goodbyes

 When she's looking back at me I can tell her heart is broken, easily

'Cause the girl in my mirror is cryin' tonight

And there's nothing I can tell her to make her feel alright

the girl in my mirror is cryin' 'cause of you

And I wish there was something, something I could do

 If I could, I would tell her Not to be afraid

The pain that she's feeling

The sense of loneliness will fade

So dry your tears and rest assured

Love will find you like before

When she's looking back at me ...

I know nothing really works that easily

Figured out

2010-01-05T17:44:00.000-08:00

a pretty good day today.

happy that i didnt see you almost at all.

i know i can do this.

after all the pain and the start of a new year,

im actually glad about it. it if werent for you..

i wouldn't known my own strength. i am

who i am today because of you. i have new

insight in everything around me.

thanks for everythaang but now i have to

let you go.

You gotta take the good with the bad

The happy with the sad

But don't get mad if things don't go the way you planned

Just understand that real love is in demand

If you're ready for commitment boy just take my hand

And if you get lucky love will be a cruise

There are so many roads which one you gonna choose

But there's a risk you know you gotta take

No messing

A choice you gotta make

There's one cross you know you gotta bare

All in love is fair

"i guess you really don't know what you've

got 'til it's gone"

just a memory

2010-01-04T01:34:00.000-08:00

HAHAHA,

so i just finished talking to you on msn

(gosh, that hurt)

and i told him i found his shirt.

that just reminded me of the time when

i was trying to find something to hammer

his button back on to his pants,

out of all things i find a lotion bottle.

so i swing at it reeaaallly hard,

and the bottle exploded.. EVERY WHERE.

after that, we just kinda looked at each other

like OMG.

HAHAHA, still makes me laugh even though

i know there will be no more

of those happy/wtf moment in a looooong time.

im glad i shared that with you :) .... but im also sad

that its gone.

"i'll keep waiting 'til that day you come

back to me, life's too short to live without

you, where you are is where i wanna be"

train of thought

2010-01-04T00:15:00.000-08:00

*SIGH

so today i went to the states with Ren's family

and his momma reminded me of him again :\

" ooh Ivy i got to see his whole entire family at mass

the other day, and you know.. he looks so good naah.

he looks better than his brother. he got taller, and skinnier"

"ha-ha, yeah Ninang O"

"and you were suppose to read, they announced your

name and everything, but you didnt show so Ren had to go

and read last minute."

"oh right, haha sorry i got mixed up with the schedule."

"yeah, is he still yours? "

"oh, no....... i dont like him anymore Ninang"

what a great conversation right?!

she even reminded me that he looks great! :(

WHATTA DAY.

“whenever you

feel like giving up,

think of the reasons

why you held on”

2010 resolutions.. kinda

2010-01-01T12:25:00.000-08:00

"dream of the future not the past."

1. i find it weird but cool that two years ago

the new years party was held at my cousin's place

and i was single, then this year it was held there

again, and im single.

2. im going to become a vegetarian for 2010

(yeah, i know.. you think its impossible cause

im filipino, but i actually wanna do it k? so stfu)

3. im gonna change the setting of my room

(bigger bed)

4. study harder... FOR REAL.

5. have a really fun Birthday party

6. im going to get over him, and officially stop missing him.

[highly impossible, so make it possible!!! :'( ]

7. be first in Mr. Millward's math10 class...HAHAHA

well, aim for first :\

8. might have some plans to meet new guy... but

i don't know. (don't really want to .. :( cause seriously

you're my guy for high school)

9. do things for myself this year(cause last year i did everything

either for him or with him).

10. spend time with maaa girls.

11. get closer to God.

12. spend more time with my family.

13. out stand in Volleyball.

14. GET MY 'L' !!!! :]

15. AND FINALLY, be happy no matter what.

"there's no use looking back or wondering,

how it could be now or might have been."

you're always gonna be the one i know i'll never

forget. so instead of trying to push aside everything

im gonna keep them and be happy that i've made

great memories with you.

someday i hope you'll find the girl of your dreams,

and im gonna go up to her and tell her to treat you

like how i never did.. then i might punch her face

and kick her pecpec :)

undone&an apology

2009-12-31T02:30:00.000-08:00

But there ain't no handbook,

you're on your own

Got no instructions

when it comes to love

Cause once you do something,

it can't be undone

Wish i could take back

letting you go..

Voices tell me i should carry on

but it feels like i'm swimming in an ocean all alone,

Do you still wonder if we made a big mistake?

why does it have to get so complicated,

acting so cold, refrigerated

This constant echoing

in my head,

I'm spinning around

You seem so unaffected

while i'm going through this hell

i don't wanna see you no more

i don't wanna feel you no more

take our memories,

throw them all aside

i hope you finally get what you want

It's killing me

that we can't be undone...

i know i may have made it rain,

please forgive me.. my weakness caused you pain.

but at night i pray..

that soon your face will fade away

Gay Quote

2009-12-30T13:39:00.000-08:00

"If you love something, let it go.

If it comes back to you, its yours forever.

If it dosent, then it was never meant to be"

get out of my head..

i don't want to remember,

or miss

you anymore.

especially the good times..

I WANT TO BE HAPPY AGAIN!! :(

kept taking it 'til it broke

2009-12-29T19:04:00.000-08:00

So you're gone and i'm haunted,

and i'll bet you're just fine.

Did i make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?

surrender my heart, body, and soul

you're asking me the things you never show.

"and if you were to walk a million miles

ill wait a million days to see you smile,

distance and time ill be waiting"

Winter Goodbye

2009-12-28T02:24:00.000-08:00

thinking of you and the love of our lives

how it was in the sweet summertime

so sad but true, we must leave it behind..

in our hearts and in our minds.

from October '08 to November '09

bittersweet was the love that we shared,

don't forget that i remember.

memories can fade away, but my heart

has a place for that smile on your face.

and maybe someday, we can be more than friends,

love will find us again. red leaves and blue tomorrows..

time will give back the love that we shared and

the love that we borrowed...

i never promised you a happy ending,

you never said you wouldn't make me cry

i can't wait 'til warm Summer, after this Winter goodbye.

limited edition

2009-12-24T11:54:00.000-08:00

CANT BELIEVE WE GOT A PS3

HOLY CRAAAP.

AAAND THE LIMITED EDITION

BEATLES ROCK BAND.

now it feels like Christmas, just add snow.

you were supposed to be the first i would tell

come and go

2009-12-23T11:14:00.001-08:00

If you didn't notice, you mean everything

So ya never know, never never know

Never know enough, till its over love

Till we lose control, system overload

Screamin no no no, no no

im so done hurting, and im ready

to let you go. so i hope you dont

have any regrets, have fun at the

states jiggaaaaaaaaa.

Since there's no more you and me

It's time I let you go so I can be free

And live my life how it should be

No matter how hard it is, I'll be fine without you

when we risk it all

2009-12-23T01:31:00.000-08:00

we cant blame others when love dwindles away

we knew from the start it never promised to stay.

its just one of those things where the stakes are too high

and sometimes it's forever and sometimes its good-bye.

you may end up with tears and a broken heart

but you knew what you signed up for from the start.

life will go on and broken hearts will heal

you must continue to go on, you just have to deal.

life isnt long enough to lock away our heart

just cause life may have forced two people apart.

we will continue to love and continue to lose

we will continue to pick and continue to choose.

and then one day we will risk it all

take the chains of our hearts and dismantle the wall.

the last time we love will be the forever

and never again will our hearts be forced to sever.

we'll have no doubts that it'll go away

cause this time it'll be here to stay.

but until then we must endure the pain

for we only see sunshine if we can wait through the rain.

dreaming

2009-12-20T22:22:00.000-08:00

i used love dreaming,

cause i always dreamed of you.

about us, remember?

i would call you first thing and

tell you all about it.

i do still dream, but i wish

i couldn't. cause i still always

dream of you, of us.

last night was the worse.

i know im getting better..

me missing you is lessening

every single moment. but the

mornings are the worse cause

i have to wake up to the thought

of you, of us being together

when really, we're not.

I’m gonna hold on to the times that we had.

Tonight, I’m gonna find a way to make it without you

gotta face it

2009-12-17T17:54:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to beat this emptiness but I'm running out of time

I'm sinking in the sand , And I can't barely stand

I'm lost in this dream , I need you to hold me

I try to be patient, but I'm hurting deep inside

And I can't keep waiting, I need comfort late at night

And I can't find my way, won't you lead me home

Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely

i know that youre just angry because of all the things I've said

before. you dont know how sorry i am for hurting you. if i could

i would actually give up EVERYTHING to make it up

to you, seriously, no lie... i would give everything for you just

so you could be happy again.

and for me... i'll be okay as long as you are.

How does forever turn into a few short months that

you’d do almost anything to get back.

How can you let go of something you once said

you couldn’t live without. How even though you know

something is best for you, it hurts just the same.

How the people who once wanted to spend every

second with you, think a few minutes of their time is

too much to spare. How people make promises despite knowing

how common it is for promises to be broken. How people

can erase you from their lives just because

it’s easier than working things out.

lonely

2009-12-11T21:03:00.000-08:00

My train of thought is gone and now you're
running on the same track
Can you tell me where did he go?
And now you're leaving me to have to
find out where you been at.
My heart is speeding up and slowing down
to know I know it's over....it's over
And can you die of heartbreak to die for
love lost young I pray to find it again,

I called today
It's what you didn't say that
told me I'd get hurt again.
So I hung up the phone
and I screamed out loud
I felt so alone,
I should had said the things I'm thinking now

never thought it would be so hard to let you go

it's deafening
The bitter truth
I'm doing everything for the
first time again without you
I pretend I'm ok
But it aches inside
There's got to be a way that's
better then just getting by

Tell me how I'm gonna make it you're
the one I can't forget
It's like I'm running in slow motion
in a nightmare that never ends
When I try to face it when I wake up
I hate the way reality sets in
God I wish you could hold me,
through the seven days of lonely.. ..

pouring out

2009-12-10T16:59:00.000-08:00

I still can't believe you're gone
If I should die before I wake
It's cause you took my breath away
I'm here alone didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move it's incomplete
Wish there was a way that I could make you understand
Wanna see if the sun will rise
Even without you by my side
I don't wanna be without you babe
I don't want a broken heart
we had so much in store
Tell me what is it I'm reaching for
When we're through building memories
I'll hold yesterday in my heart
But it hurts when I think, when I let it sink in
Goodbye my friend, will I ever love again?
stay up 'til 4 in the morning and the tears start pouring
See what I want so much, should never hurt this bad
Gray skies all around me
I don't know where to turn
Can you help me with this pain
Just gotta hold back
these stubborn tears
I can't let go
of the smiles and the pain
And in this world of loneliness, I see your face
I’m goin’ crazy
it’s drainin’ all of me
I’ll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see
But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath but I survived
Now I'm sitting here, thinking 'bout you

And the days we used to share
Its driving me crazy
I don't know what to do
I'm just wondering if you still care
I don't wanna let you know that its killing me
I'm a mess right now.
Out of order, I'm torn up I'm going down,
Won't you hold me together I'm pouring out.
I need you, that's how I feel.
I wish that you could
Stay with me
I refuse to believe
You do
Not think of me
Like I do you
If I'm right then
Show me,
Come through,
I've been needing you lately.

I always believed

you and I, can make it through

and I still know, I can’t get over you

I don’t wanna feel
the way that I do
I just wanna be
right here with you
I don’t wanna see,
see us apart
I just wanna say it straight from my heart;
I miss you.

against all odds

2009-12-06T23:08:00.000-08:00

just great. another reminder that im not with him.

somehow my cell reminded me that it was our nigga day today.

uggghh the agony.

i seriously want to be happy again. i know this takes time and shit...

BUT I AM SO TIRED OF MISSING HIM.

so tired of the pain....

why should i miss him if he doesn't miss me!?

can't the thought of us reconciling and getting back together JUST

GO AWAY? frrickk. i miss him so much.

i needed you today migs, i didnt do too well in my tryouts. i needed to talk

to you. i dont know how well you're coping with us not being us anymore

but can't you just give me the slightest hint that you're hurting as much

as i am... please?

cause it friggin sucks that it seems like im the only one.

How can you just walk away from me

When all I can do is watch you leave

 'Cause we've shared the laughter

 and the pain

 And even shared the tears

You're the only one

 Who really knew me at all

I wish I could just make you turn around

Turn around and see me cry 
There’s so much I need to say to you
 So many reasons why
 You're the only one Who really 
knew me at all 
So take a look at me now
 Cause there’s just an empty space 
And there’s nothing left here to 
Remind me
 Just a memory of your face 
So take a look at me now
 'Cause there’s just an empty space
And you coming back to me
 is against the odds 
And that’s what I've got 
to face

for now

2009-12-01T17:38:00.000-08:00

Thanks for the talk the other day. it was a chance for me to find closure. i guess i'm gonna be OK. you still mean a lot to me and like what i said, you'll have that V.I.P section in my heart. i know i have to be strong for both of us, but especially for me, to get over us. even though that is so hard to say i gotta face it, cause it's true.. we're not together anymore.

i will not cry anymore no matter what, i promise ill be strong. i can do this i think i really can. this is probably one of the hardest things i am having to do but you said it'll be worth it, and i trust you. after all, we'll know if we are really meant to be together. i know you're doing pretty well and i'm happy for you and i really do hope you find that true happiness you're looking for and i hope ill find mine, even though it might take a while. i am finally accepting the fact that we're not a couple anymore and i guess it's better off that way. so thanks for all the happy and sad experiences. you are my very first love, i'll tell my kids about you, and ill never forget you. you know that we're still friends and i'll be here for you. For now, i'm still picking up the pieces and trying to overcome the pain of that little hope that you and i will get back together.

I'm done with being miserable, like what you said i should just focus on my studies or try to find another guy. But to tell you the truth, you're my guy for high school, so i'll try to find someone after i graduate.

thanks for everything.

ps. please dont forget me too easily, come on i was your first.. for a lot of things and you were mine.

shoulda woulda coulda

2009-11-29T15:04:00.000-08:00

i shoulda looked.... very very carefully

before i fell...... so very very hard.

one i gave my heart to

2009-11-24T23:57:00.000-08:00

How could the one i gave my heart to, break my heart so bad? 
How could the one who made me happy, make me feel so sad? 
if you love me, How could you hurt me like that? 
How could the one i gave my world to, throw my world away? 
How could the one who said "i love you" say the things you say?
How could the one i gave my heart to, beak this heart of mine?
How could you be so cold to me? 
when i gave you everything. . All my love, all i had inside..
How could you just walk out the door..How could you not love me anymore? 


I thought we had forever...cant understand.
How could the one I shared my dreams with, take my dreams from me? 
How could the one that brought such pleasure, bring such misery? 
Wont somebody tell me, somebody tell me please? 
If you love me, how could you do that to me? 
Tell me........

my day

2009-11-22T21:12:00.000-08:00

so i wrote you a letter today.

then sealed the envelope.

i cried.

then i watched a few movies.

i cried.

i ate.

i cried.

i studied.

put your things in a shoe box.

then i cried.

listened to some music.

i watched more movies.

then i cried.

then i realized,

i'll get over you.

some way..

lullaby

2009-11-15T18:27:00.000-08:00

Love is needing someone. Love is putting up with someone's bad qualities because they somehow complete you.

No relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you

have to bend, to compromise,

to give something up in order to gain something greater...

The love we have for each other is bigger than these small differences. And that's the key. It's like a big pie chart, and the love in a relationship has to be the biggest piece. Love can make up for a lot.

If that's true, I'm perfectly sure you don't love me.

thanks for the fun ride.

remember? you promised forever.

lone

2009-06-02T22:23:00.000-07:00

Now it's the other way around.

And it sucks.