you said move on, where do i go?


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Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave it broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. I know I let you down Again and again I know I never really treated you right, I've paid the price I'm still paying for it every day... so IM SORRY, SERIOUSLY.. I AM. ill do anything to take the things i said to hurt you back, anything. THIS IS THE ONLY TIME/SPACE/PLACE IM GOING TO THINK ABOUT HIM... NO WHERE ELSE..please no where else.

think before you hit the snooze button

"there are a million ways to bleed out but you're my favourite" everyone says it's a change for the better,but i say boy, you changed my forever. relationships, they can be as strange as the weather. rain or sun we'll sing this one together..

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January 2010
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title: pink
date: Sunday, January 31, 2010
time:12:59 AM
i took your words and i believed
in everything you said to me

if someone said three years from now,
you'd be long gone
i'd stand up and punch them out
cause they're all wrong
i know better cause you said forever, and ever
who knew...

i wish i could still call you a friend,
i'd give anything

if someone said count your blessings now for they're
all gone, i guess i just didn't know how i was all wrong
they knew better
still, you said forever, and ever
who knew..


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title: blame
date: Saturday, January 30, 2010
time:1:36 PM
tell me with so many out there
i always turn to you
your goodbyes tear me down every time
and it's so easy that the blame is on me





“whenever you feel like giving up, think of the reasons why you held on”


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title: pray for forgiveness
date: Thursday, January 21, 2010
time:4:36 PM
I swear that everyday I feel like my mind is haunting me
I think of every little stupid mistake that has been made
This time I don't have the strength to gather myself
I'm falling to pieces....
So I pray for forgiveness
look for the answer
cause its hard for me to pretend
look to my mother
call to the captain
cant you see
this state that I'm in
pray for forgiveness
looking for justice
searching for answers
call to my mother
pray for forgiveness
breaking the silence..
"By now I should know 
That in time things must change 
So it shouldn't be so bad 
So why do I feel so sad 
 How can I adjust To the way that things are going 
It's killing me slowly  
I just want it to be how it used to be  
Cause I wish that I could stay 
But in time things must change 
So it shouldn't be so bad,  So why do I feel so sad"




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title: when gone is the glory
date: Sunday, January 17, 2010
time:9:42 PM
i miss talking to you.
i really just want to be your friend, so why can't you let me?
i don't want you to not be a part of my life.
i'm not looking for you to take me back cause i
don't want that,
i seriously just want to talk to you normally
and be happy again.
don't you see, im sorry. im sorry, i know
im not the only one hurting..

when gone is the glory
when gone is the fame
when gone is the name
and you're left with yourself

i look in the mirror
to search your face
to remember who you are
who you ever were

when gone is the glory
when gone is the shine
is gone the whole
of your future and pride?

i look all around in search for a friend
that no longer stands
'till the bitter end

when gone is the glory
when gone is the sun
when gone is the game
then what have you won?

Heartache and pain
of what could have been
only you know the truth
of what is written

when gone is the praise
when gone is the fun
is gone the worth
of what you've become?

when i am alone
at the end of this story
how does it feel
when gone is the glory?


 



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title: coldest winter
date:
time:11:00 AM
What's up lonely,
seems like you're my only friend who wants to share my pain
tell me heartache
What's it gonna take for you to leave me alone today
Just when i think you're gone,
you're in the mirror staring right back
So what's up lonely?
i really wish you weren't by my side
Can't you find another shoulder,
cause i wanna leave this broken heart behind
we've been wasting too much time,
find someone else, seriously..
im really getting tired of you.




"if spring can take the snow away,
can it melt away all our mistakes? "








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title: breakdown day
date: Wednesday, January 13, 2010
time:8:07 PM
When people all stare
I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk
Whenever I see you,
I'll swallow my pride
and bite my tongue
Pretend I'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong

If anyone asks,
I'll tell them we just grew apart
Yeah what do I care...
If they believe me or not
Your memory is breaking my heart
I'll pretend I'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong

I'm talking in circles
I'm lying, they know it
Why won't this just all go away

Is it over yet? Can I open my eyes?
 Is this as hard as it gets? Is this what it feels like to really cry?


F+++ DREAMING
i never wanna sleep again.



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title: good day
date: Monday, January 11, 2010
time:6:55 PM
today was pretty good.
i actually felt happy, for the most part.
i think i can actually do this.
today is the first step of
officially letting go/ stop missing/ regretting/ getting over
you.

"looking at you makes it harder
but i know you'll find another
that doesn't always make you wanna cry
it started with a perfect kiss then
we can feel the poison set it,
"perfect" couldn't keep this love alive
you know that i love you so
i love you enough to let you go"

dear heart,
all the hurt will be gone soon, if you'll just
keep on beating strong. you will always be my friend
so keep on hanging in and we'll find love again.
Give it time.. help me through, heart we can do this together.


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title: vacation
date: Sunday, January 10, 2010
time:10:08 PM
"from the bottom of my broken heart
there's just a thing or two i'd like
you to know, you were my first love,
you were my true love i never knew
love 'til there was you"

before it felt like i was falling of a bridge
and you were dangling over the edge already dead
but i still hung on to your lifeless body even
though i knew if i held on i would fall and die too.

but now it just feels like you're on vacation
so you can have some time to yourself
and im just waiting for you to come back, while
i get a break for myself too.
but it still sucks though, cause what if you never
come back? what if you're enjoying your vacation
so much you don't need/want me anymore?
"no matter how far you are, no matter how long it
takes him, through distance and time i'll be waiting"




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title: mirror
date: Thursday, January 7, 2010
time:5:33 PM
There's a girl in my mirror
I wonder who she is 
Sometimes I think I know her 
Sometimes I really wish I did 
 There's a story in her eyes Lullabies and goodbyes
 When she's looking back at me I can tell her heart is broken, easily  
'Cause the girl in my mirror is cryin' tonight 
And there's nothing I can tell her to make her feel alright 
the girl in my mirror is cryin' 'cause of you 
And I wish there was something, something I could do 
 If I could, I would tell her Not to be afraid 
The pain that she's feeling 
The sense of loneliness will fade  
So dry your tears and rest assured 
Love will find you like before 
When she's looking back at me ...
I know nothing really works that easily


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title: Figured out
date: Tuesday, January 5, 2010
time:5:44 PM
a pretty good day today.
happy that i didnt see you almost at all.
i know i can do this.
after all the pain and the start of a new year,
im actually glad about it. it if werent for you..
i wouldn't known my own strength. i am
who i am today because of you. i have new
insight in everything around me.
thanks for everythaang but now i have to
let you go.

You gotta take the good with the bad
The happy with the sad
But don't get mad if things don't go the way you planned
Just understand that real love is in demand
If you're ready for commitment boy just take my hand
And if you get lucky love will be a cruise
There are so many roads which one you gonna choose
But there's a risk you know you gotta take
No messing
A choice you gotta make
There's one cross you know you gotta bare
All in love is fair


"i guess you really don't know what you've
got 'til it's gone"


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title: just a memory
date: Monday, January 4, 2010
time:1:34 AM
HAHAHA,
so i just finished talking to you on msn
(gosh, that hurt)
and i told him i found his shirt.
that just reminded me of the time when
i was trying to find something to hammer
his button back on to his pants,
out of all things i find a lotion bottle.
so i swing at it reeaaallly hard,
and the bottle exploded.. EVERY WHERE.
after that, we just kinda looked at each other
like OMG.
HAHAHA, still makes me laugh even though
i know there will be no more
of those happy/wtf moment in a looooong time.
im glad i shared that with you :) .... but im also sad
that its gone.

"i'll keep waiting 'til that day you come
back to me, life's too short to live without
you, where you are is where i wanna be"



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title: train of thought
date:
time:12:15 AM
*SIGH
so today i went to the states with Ren's family
and his momma reminded me of him again :\

" ooh Ivy i got to see his whole entire family at mass
the other day, and you know.. he looks so good naah.
he looks better than his brother. he got taller, and skinnier"

"ha-ha, yeah Ninang O"

"and you were suppose to read, they announced your
name and everything, but you didnt show so Ren had to go
and read last minute."

"oh right, haha sorry i got mixed up with the schedule."

"yeah, is he still yours? "

"oh, no....... i dont like him anymore Ninang"

what a great conversation right?!
she even reminded me that he looks great! :(
WHATTA DAY.





“whenever you
feel like giving up,
think of the reasons
why you held on”





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title: 2010 resolutions.. kinda
date: Friday, January 1, 2010
time:12:25 PM
"dream of the future not the past."



1. i find it weird but cool that two years ago
the new years party was held at my cousin's place
and i was single, then this year it was held there
again, and im single.

2. im going to become a vegetarian for 2010
(yeah, i know.. you think its impossible cause
im filipino, but i actually wanna do it k? so stfu)

3. im gonna change the setting of my room
(bigger bed)

4. study harder... FOR REAL.

5. have a really fun Birthday party

6. im going to get over him, and officially stop missing him.
[highly impossible, so make it possible!!! :'( ]

7. be first in Mr. Millward's math10 class...HAHAHA
well, aim for first :\

8. might have some plans to meet new guy... but
i don't know. (don't really want to .. :( cause seriously
you're my guy for high school)

9. do things for myself this year(cause last year i did everything
either for him or with him).

10. spend time with maaa girls.

11. get closer to God.

12. spend more time with my family.

13. out stand in Volleyball.

14. GET MY 'L' !!!! :]

15. AND FINALLY, be happy no matter what.




"there's no use looking back or wondering,
how it could be now or might have been."

you're always gonna be the one i know i'll never
forget. so instead of trying to push aside everything
im gonna keep them and be happy that i've made
great memories with you.
someday i hope you'll find the girl of your dreams,
and im gonna go up to her and tell her to treat you
like how i never did.. then i might punch her face
and kick her pecpec :)


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