xiii: you said move on (where do i go)

title: pink
date: Sunday, January 31, 2010
time:12:59 AM

i took your words and i believed

in everything you said to me

if someone said three years from now,

you'd be long gone

i'd stand up and punch them out

cause they're all wrong

i know better cause you said forever, and ever

who knew...

i wish i could still call you a friend,

i'd give anything

if someone said count your blessings now for they're

all gone, i guess i just didn't know how i was all wrong

they knew better

still, you said forever, and ever

who knew..

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title: blame
date: Saturday, January 30, 2010
time:1:36 PM

tell me with so many out there

i always turn to you

your goodbyes tear me down every time

and it's so easy that the blame is on me

“whenever you feel like giving up, think of the reasons why you held on”

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title: pray for forgiveness
date: Thursday, January 21, 2010
time:4:36 PM

I swear that everyday I feel like my mind is haunting me
I think of every little stupid mistake that has been made
This time I don't have the strength to gather myself
I'm falling to pieces....

So I pray for forgiveness
look for the answer
cause its hard for me to pretend
look to my mother
call to the captain
cant you see
this state that I'm in
pray for forgiveness
looking for justice
searching for answers
call to my mother
pray for forgiveness
breaking the silence..

"By now I should know

That in time things must change

So it shouldn't be so bad

So why do I feel so sad

 How can I adjust To the way that things are going

It's killing me slowly

I just want it to be how it used to be

Cause I wish that I could stay

But in time things must change

So it shouldn't be so bad,  So why do I feel so sad"

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title: when gone is the glory
date: Sunday, January 17, 2010
time:9:42 PM

i miss talking to you.

i really just want to be your friend, so why can't you let me?

i don't want you to not be a part of my life.

i'm not looking for you to take me back cause i

don't want that,

i seriously just want to talk to you normally

and be happy again.

don't you see, im sorry. im sorry, i know

im not the only one hurting..

when gone is the glory

when gone is the fame

when gone is the name

and you're left with yourself

i look in the mirror

to search your face

to remember who you are

who you ever were

when gone is the glory

when gone is the shine

is gone the whole

of your future and pride?

i look all around in search for a friend

that no longer stands

'till the bitter end

when gone is the glory

when gone is the sun

when gone is the game

then what have you won?

Heartache and pain

of what could have been

only you know the truth

of what is written

when gone is the praise

when gone is the fun

is gone the worth

of what you've become?

when i am alone

at the end of this story

how does it feel

when gone is the glory?

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title: coldest winter
date:
time:11:00 AM

What's up lonely,

seems like you're my only friend who wants to share my pain

tell me heartache

What's it gonna take for you to leave me alone today

Just when i think you're gone,

you're in the mirror staring right back

So what's up lonely?

i really wish you weren't by my side

Can't you find another shoulder,

cause i wanna leave this broken heart behind

we've been wasting too much time,

find someone else, seriously..

im really getting tired of you.

"if spring can take the snow away,

can it melt away all our mistakes? "

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title: breakdown day
date: Wednesday, January 13, 2010
time:8:07 PM

When people all stare

I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk

Whenever I see you,

I'll swallow my pride

and bite my tongue

Pretend I'm okay with it all

Act like there's nothing wrong

If anyone asks,

I'll tell them we just grew apart

Yeah what do I care...

If they believe me or not

Your memory is breaking my heart

I'll pretend I'm okay with it all

Act like there's nothing wrong

I'm talking in circles

I'm lying, they know it

Why won't this just all go away

Is it over yet? Can I open my eyes?
 Is this as hard as it gets? Is this what it feels like to really cry?


F+++ DREAMING
i never wanna sleep again.

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title: good day
date: Monday, January 11, 2010
time:6:55 PM

today was pretty good.

i actually felt happy, for the most part.

i think i can actually do this.

today is the first step of

officially letting go/ stop missing/ regretting/ getting over

you.

"looking at you makes it harder

but i know you'll find another

that doesn't always make you wanna cry

it started with a perfect kiss then

we can feel the poison set it,

"perfect" couldn't keep this love alive

you know that i love you so

i love you enough to let you go"

dear heart,

all the hurt will be gone soon, if you'll just

keep on beating strong. you will always be my friend

so keep on hanging in and we'll find love again.

Give it time.. help me through, heart we can do this together.

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title: vacation
date: Sunday, January 10, 2010
time:10:08 PM

"from the bottom of my broken heart

there's just a thing or two i'd like

you to know, you were my first love,

you were my true love i never knew

love 'til there was you"

before it felt like i was falling of a bridge

and you were dangling over the edge already dead

but i still hung on to your lifeless body even

though i knew if i held on i would fall and die too.

but now it just feels like you're on vacation

so you can have some time to yourself

and im just waiting for you to come back, while

i get a break for myself too.

but it still sucks though, cause what if you never

come back? what if you're enjoying your vacation

so much you don't need/want me anymore?

"no matter how far you are, no matter how long it

takes him, through distance and time i'll be waiting"

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title: mirror
date: Thursday, January 7, 2010
time:5:33 PM

There's a girl in my mirror

I wonder who she is

Sometimes I think I know her

Sometimes I really wish I did

 There's a story in her eyes Lullabies and goodbyes

 When she's looking back at me I can tell her heart is broken, easily

'Cause the girl in my mirror is cryin' tonight

And there's nothing I can tell her to make her feel alright

the girl in my mirror is cryin' 'cause of you

And I wish there was something, something I could do

 If I could, I would tell her Not to be afraid

The pain that she's feeling

The sense of loneliness will fade

So dry your tears and rest assured

Love will find you like before

When she's looking back at me ...

I know nothing really works that easily

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title: Figured out
date: Tuesday, January 5, 2010
time:5:44 PM

a pretty good day today.

happy that i didnt see you almost at all.

i know i can do this.

after all the pain and the start of a new year,

im actually glad about it. it if werent for you..

i wouldn't known my own strength. i am

who i am today because of you. i have new

insight in everything around me.

thanks for everythaang but now i have to

let you go.

You gotta take the good with the bad

The happy with the sad

But don't get mad if things don't go the way you planned

Just understand that real love is in demand

If you're ready for commitment boy just take my hand

And if you get lucky love will be a cruise

There are so many roads which one you gonna choose

But there's a risk you know you gotta take

No messing

A choice you gotta make

There's one cross you know you gotta bare

All in love is fair

"i guess you really don't know what you've

got 'til it's gone"

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title: just a memory
date: Monday, January 4, 2010
time:1:34 AM

HAHAHA,

so i just finished talking to you on msn

(gosh, that hurt)

and i told him i found his shirt.

that just reminded me of the time when

i was trying to find something to hammer

his button back on to his pants,

out of all things i find a lotion bottle.

so i swing at it reeaaallly hard,

and the bottle exploded.. EVERY WHERE.

after that, we just kinda looked at each other

like OMG.

HAHAHA, still makes me laugh even though

i know there will be no more

of those happy/wtf moment in a looooong time.

im glad i shared that with you :) .... but im also sad

that its gone.

"i'll keep waiting 'til that day you come

back to me, life's too short to live without

you, where you are is where i wanna be"

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title: train of thought
date:
time:12:15 AM

*SIGH

so today i went to the states with Ren's family

and his momma reminded me of him again :\

" ooh Ivy i got to see his whole entire family at mass

the other day, and you know.. he looks so good naah.

he looks better than his brother. he got taller, and skinnier"

"ha-ha, yeah Ninang O"

"and you were suppose to read, they announced your

name and everything, but you didnt show so Ren had to go

and read last minute."

"oh right, haha sorry i got mixed up with the schedule."

"yeah, is he still yours? "

"oh, no....... i dont like him anymore Ninang"

what a great conversation right?!

she even reminded me that he looks great! :(

WHATTA DAY.

“whenever you

feel like giving up,

think of the reasons

why you held on”

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title: 2010 resolutions.. kinda
date: Friday, January 1, 2010
time:12:25 PM

"dream of the future not the past."

1. i find it weird but cool that two years ago

the new years party was held at my cousin's place

and i was single, then this year it was held there

again, and im single.

2. im going to become a vegetarian for 2010

(yeah, i know.. you think its impossible cause

im filipino, but i actually wanna do it k? so stfu)

3. im gonna change the setting of my room

(bigger bed)

4. study harder... FOR REAL.

5. have a really fun Birthday party

6. im going to get over him, and officially stop missing him.

[highly impossible, so make it possible!!! :'( ]

7. be first in Mr. Millward's math10 class...HAHAHA

well, aim for first :\

8. might have some plans to meet new guy... but

i don't know. (don't really want to .. :( cause seriously

you're my guy for high school)

9. do things for myself this year(cause last year i did everything

either for him or with him).

10. spend time with maaa girls.

11. get closer to God.

12. spend more time with my family.

13. out stand in Volleyball.

14. GET MY 'L' !!!! :]

15. AND FINALLY, be happy no matter what.

"there's no use looking back or wondering,

how it could be now or might have been."

you're always gonna be the one i know i'll never

forget. so instead of trying to push aside everything

im gonna keep them and be happy that i've made

great memories with you.

someday i hope you'll find the girl of your dreams,

and im gonna go up to her and tell her to treat you

like how i never did.. then i might punch her face

and kick her pecpec :)

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