you said move on, where do i go?


Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave it broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. I know I let you down Again and again I know I never really treated you right, I've paid the price I'm still paying for it every day... so IM SORRY, SERIOUSLY.. I AM. ill do anything to take the things i said to hurt you back, anything. THIS IS THE ONLY TIME/SPACE/PLACE IM GOING TO THINK ABOUT HIM... NO WHERE ELSE..please no where else.

think before you hit the snooze button

"there are a million ways to bleed out but you're my favourite" everyone says it's a change for the better,but i say boy, you changed my forever. relationships, they can be as strange as the weather. rain or sun we'll sing this one together..


June 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
May 2010

Music Playlist at

title: undone&an apology
date: Thursday, December 31, 2009
time:2:30 AM
But there ain't no handbook,
you're on your own
Got no instructions
when it comes to love
Cause once you do something,
it can't be undone
Wish i could take back
letting you go..

Voices tell me i should carry on
but it feels like i'm swimming in an ocean all alone,
Do you still wonder if we made a big mistake?

why does it have to get so complicated,
acting so cold, refrigerated

This constant echoing
in my head,
I'm spinning around
You seem so unaffected
while i'm going through this hell

i don't wanna see you no more
i don't wanna feel you no more
take our memories,
throw them all aside
i hope you finally get what you want
It's killing me
that we can't be undone...

i know i may have made it rain,
please forgive me.. my weakness caused you pain.

but at night i pray..
that soon your face will fade away

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title: Gay Quote
date: Wednesday, December 30, 2009
time:1:39 PM
"If you love something, let it go.
If it comes back to you, its yours forever.
If it dosent, then it was never meant to be"

get out of my head..
i don't want to remember,
or miss
you anymore.
especially the good times..


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title: kept taking it 'til it broke
date: Tuesday, December 29, 2009
time:7:04 PM
So you're gone and i'm haunted,
and i'll bet you're just fine.
Did i make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?

surrender my heart, body, and soul
you're asking me the things you never show.

"and if you were to walk a million miles
ill wait a million days to see you smile,
distance and time ill be waiting"

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title: Winter Goodbye
date: Monday, December 28, 2009
time:2:24 AM
thinking of you and the love of our lives
how it was in the sweet summertime
so sad but true, we must leave it behind..
in our hearts and in our minds.
from October '08 to November '09
bittersweet was the love that we shared,
don't forget that i remember.

memories can fade away, but my heart
has a place for that smile on your face.
and maybe someday, we can be more than friends,
love will find us again. red leaves and blue tomorrows..
time will give back the love that we shared and
the love that we borrowed...

i never promised you a happy ending,
you never said you wouldn't make me cry
i can't wait 'til warm Summer, after this Winter goodbye.

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title: limited edition
date: Thursday, December 24, 2009
time:11:54 AM
now it feels like Christmas, just add snow.

you were supposed to be the first i would tell

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title: come and go
date: Wednesday, December 23, 2009
time:11:14 AM

If you didn't notice, you mean everything

So ya never know, never never know
Never know enough, till its over love
Till we lose control, system overload
Screamin no no no, no no

im so done hurting, and im ready
to let you go. so i hope you dont
have any regrets, have fun at the
states jiggaaaaaaaaa.

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go so I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is, I'll be fine without you

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title: when we risk it all
time:1:31 AM
we cant blame others when love dwindles away
we knew from the start it never promised to stay.

its just one of those things where the stakes are too high
and sometimes it's forever and sometimes its good-bye.

you may end up with tears and a broken heart
but you knew what you signed up for from the start.

life will go on and broken hearts will heal
you must continue to go on, you just have to deal.

life isnt long enough to lock away our heart
just cause life may have forced two people apart.

we will continue to love and continue to lose
we will continue to pick and continue to choose.

and then one day we will risk it all
take the chains of our hearts and dismantle the wall.

the last time we love will be the forever
and never again will our hearts be forced to sever.

we'll have no doubts that it'll go away
cause this time it'll be here to stay.

but until then we must endure the pain
for we only see sunshine if we can wait through the rain.

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title: dreaming
date: Sunday, December 20, 2009
time:10:22 PM
i used love dreaming,
cause i always dreamed of you.
about us, remember?
i would call you first thing and
tell you all about it.

i do still dream, but i wish
i couldn't. cause i still always
dream of you, of us.
last night was the worse.
i know im getting better..
me missing you is lessening
every single moment. but the
mornings are the worse cause
i have to wake up to the thought
of you, of us being together
when really, we're not.

I’m gonna hold on to the times that we had.
Tonight, I’m gonna find a way to make it without you

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title: gotta face it
date: Thursday, December 17, 2009
time:5:54 PM
I'm trying to beat this emptiness but I'm running out of time
I'm sinking in the sand , And I can't barely stand
I'm lost in this dream , I need you to hold me
I try to be patient, but I'm hurting deep inside
And I can't keep waiting, I need comfort late at night
And I can't find my way, won't you lead me home
Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely

i know that youre just angry because of all the things I've said
before. you dont know how sorry i am for hurting you. if i could
i would actually give up EVERYTHING to make it up
to you, seriously, no lie... i would give everything for you just
so you could be happy again.
and for me... i'll be okay as long as you are.

How does forever turn into a few short months that
you’d do almost anything to get back.
How can you let go of something you once said
you couldn’t live without. How even though you know
something is best for you, it hurts just the same.
How the people who once wanted to spend every
second with you, think a few minutes of their time is
too much to spare. How people make promises despite knowing
how common it is for promises to be broken. How people
can erase you from their lives just because
it’s easier than working things out.

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title: lonely
date: Friday, December 11, 2009
time:9:03 PM
My train of thought is gone and now you're
running on the same track
Can you tell me where did he go?
And now you're leaving me to have to
find out where you been at.

My heart is speeding up and slowing down
to know I know it's's over
And can you die of heartbreak to die for
love lost young I pray to find it again,

I called today
It's what you didn't say that
told me I'd get hurt again.

So I hung up the phone
and I screamed out loud
I felt so alone,
I should had said the things I'm thinking now

never thought it would be so hard to let you go

it's deafening
The bitter truth
I'm doing everything for the
first time again without you
I pretend I'm ok
But it aches inside
There's got to be a way that's
better then just getting by

Tell me how I'm gonna make it you're
the one I can't forget

It's like I'm running in slow motion
in a nightmare that never ends
When I try to face it when I wake up
I hate the way reality sets in
God I wish you could hold me,
through the seven days of lonely.. ..

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title: pouring out
date: Thursday, December 10, 2009
time:4:59 PM
I still can't believe you're gone
If I should die before I wake
It's cause you took my breath away
I'm here alone didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move it's incomplete
Wish there was a way that I could make you understand
Wanna see if the sun will rise
Even without you by my side
I don't wanna be without you babe
I don't want a broken heart
we had so much in store
Tell me what is it I'm reaching for
When we're through building memories
I'll hold yesterday in my heart

But it hurts when I think, when I let it sink in
Goodbye my friend, will I ever love again?
stay up 'til 4 in the morning and the tears start pouring
See what I want so much, should never hurt this bad
Gray skies all around me
I don't know where to turn
Can you help me with this pain
Just gotta hold back
these stubborn tears

I can't let go
of the smiles and the pain
And in this world of loneliness, I see your face
I’m goin’ crazy
it’s drainin’ all of me
I’ll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see
But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath but I survived
Now I'm sitting here, thinking 'bout you
And the days we used to share
Its driving me crazy
I don't know what to do
I'm just wondering if you still care
I don't wanna let you know that its killing me
I'm a mess right now.

Out of order, I'm torn up I'm going down,
Won't you hold me together I'm pouring out.
I need you, that's how I feel.
I wish that you could
Stay with me

I refuse to believe
You do
Not think of me
Like I do you
If I'm right then
Show me,
Come through,
I've been needing you lately.
I always believed
you and I, can make it through
and I still know, I can’t get over you

I don’t wanna feel
the way that I do
I just wanna be
right here with you
I don’t wanna see,
see us apart
I just wanna say it straight from my heart;
I miss you.

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title: against all odds
date: Sunday, December 6, 2009
time:11:08 PM
just great. another reminder that im not with him.
somehow my cell reminded me that it was our nigga day today.
uggghh the agony.
i seriously want to be happy again. i know this takes time and shit...
so tired of the pain....
why should i miss him if he doesn't miss me!?
can't the thought of us reconciling and getting back together JUST
GO AWAY? frrickk. i miss him so much.

i needed you today migs, i didnt do too well in my tryouts. i needed to talk
to you. i dont know how well you're coping with us not being us anymore
but can't you just give me the slightest hint that you're hurting as much
as i am... please?
cause it friggin sucks that it seems like im the only one.

How can you just walk away from me 
When all I can do is watch you leave
 'Cause we've shared the laughter
 and the pain
 And even shared the tears 
You're the only one
 Who really knew me at all
I wish I could just make you turn around 
Turn around and see me cry 
There’s so much I need to say to you
 So many reasons why
 You're the only one Who really 
knew me at all 
So take a look at me now
 Cause there’s just an empty space 
And there’s nothing left here to 
Remind me
 Just a memory of your face 
So take a look at me now
 'Cause there’s just an empty space
And you coming back to me
 is against the odds 
And that’s what I've got 
to face

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title: for now
date: Tuesday, December 1, 2009
time:5:38 PM
Thanks for the talk the other day. it was a chance for me to find closure. i guess i'm gonna be OK. you still mean a lot to me and like what i said, you'll have that V.I.P section in my heart. i know i have to be strong for both of us, but especially for me, to get over us. even though that is so hard to say i gotta face it, cause it's true.. we're not together anymore.
i will not cry anymore no matter what, i promise ill be strong. i can do this i think i really can. this is probably one of the hardest things i am having to do but you said it'll be worth it, and i trust you. after all, we'll know if we are really meant to be together. i know you're doing pretty well and i'm happy for you and i really do hope you findItalic that true happiness you're looking for and i hope ill find mine, even though it might take a while. i am finally accepting the fact that we're not a couple anymore and i guess it's better off that way. so thanks for all the happy and sad experiences. you are my very first love, i'll tell my kids about you, and ill never forget you. you know that we're still friends and i'll be here for you. For now, i'm still picking up the pieces and trying to overcome the pain of that little hope that you and i will get back together.
I'm done with being miserable, like what you said i should just focus on my studies or try to find another guy. But to tell you the truth, you're my guy for high school, so i'll try to find someone after i graduate.
thanks for everything.

ps. please dont forget me too easily, come on i was your first.. for a lot of things and you were mine.

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